admissions 'n' things

Hi. I'm hyprvx, but that's slightly harder for me to type so I'll just use my real name: Devon.

Let me put everything out right now, in this post.

This is what's going to be my diary. I'm posting it online just because I want it to be out. If I offend someone in one of my posts, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I don't care.

Now let's get onto about me.

My name is Devon, I'm 13 years old, single (though that may or may not change soon, I'll get to that), in 8th grade. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I hold sacred. I may try to sound smart, but believe me, I'm not. My favorite color is green, but I also like darker tones, so that's why this is a mostly blackish tone for the blog. I'm into computers, music, and chemistry. Pretty average life, right?

Wrong.

I've been under a lot of stress recently. Relationships, school, even my own family have put me under a lot of stress.

Let me explain each one.

Relationships: Oh god, where do I start? Well, I suppose I should start at the top. 2 years ago, I fell for a girl in my class. Last year, I realized that we were so alike, so I asked her out. She denied, saying she wanted to be asked out in "a crazy way". I tried again, trying to sneak closer and closer before finally scoring. But she blatantly told me she wasn't interested in me, and I finally took the hint. Leaving me depressed. (I had actually been into a mental hospital during this time. But that's for another post.). This year, a new girl came to my school. I asked her out too. She denied, saying that she wasn't single. I was saddened, but less depressed. I wished her and whoever she was with the best.
This takes us to Thanksgiving 2012, or really, the day before, November 21. That night, I became closer to another friend (this proves important). She was friends with this girl, and she informed me that she was single, and had lied to me. (Now would have been the good time for that mental hospital.) I cried a bit, but got over it, saying to myself "Man up. So she lied. Get mad, get sad. Get whatever you need. But get over it. If she lied to you then it's not worth it. You're 13. Don't think suicide. You're mature. You're too old for that shit." And I got over it. Now we skip ahead to Thanksgiving, which will be a day I won't soon forget. I learned that that friend's sister had a crush on me, and she gave her my number. So we talked a lot. I spent more time talking to her than talking to family. That night, I asked her out. She denied. But we remained friends, and I already know what I did wrong-I moved too fast. "Okay.", I said. We are still friends to this day, and I'm planning things in the background.

School: HELLO! Let's start with last year. This one was influenced by the relationships problem. Thanks to an enhanced craving for a social life (I'm still not sure what sparked it), I fell out in grades. In Maths, I only turned in 2 homework assignments out of 19 total. I don't know why this happened, to be totally honest. (This sparks a family problem!) But I've been trying to get back on track. My family cannot afford a private high school, and there are only 2 public schools, a good one and a bad one. I want to get into the good one, but I'm afraid I won't make it, because I've started to slip in grades again.So I've been REALLY stressed with the hopes I will make it to the good school. But I don't know anymore.

Family: I will be the first to admit it: I hate my family. There's just so much they do that makes me want to scream. Whenever I screw up, they ask me why I did that. "Why are you slipping in grades, Devon?" "What can we do to help?" "Why do you do this?" "Why did you do that?" "Why? Why? Why?" I HATE IT! I know as little as you. This is mainly my parents and teachers that do this though, but don't worry, I have a reason to hate outer family (Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). WHENEVER I post a joke on Facebook, they ALWAYS take it seriously, getting me in trouble with my parents and bringing on the "Why? What? How? Why?" And then when I post something serious, heartfelt, or desperate on Facebook, they comment. "LOL". I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. They take jokes seriously, and serious stuff as jokes. I fucking hate it. This is why I hate my family. I shouldn't have to *block* them on Facebook just to get some privacy and peace.

So these are what stress me out the most. I'm going to be posting here hopefully twice a week, or whenever something big happens "We dated!" "We're girlfriend/boyfriend now!" "I made it to PMSA!" "We're engaged!" "The world isn't ending on 12/21/12!" Oh wait, that last one's already true. I'll also post some stories of when I was younger. The first of those stories, my mental hospital stay, will be posted next.

Thanks for reading.

<3, hyprvx