THE FIRST THING I did after getting out was get lunch. My family took me out to Kappy's, and we got lunch there. Related: I tried ribs for the first time that day. Then we went to a pharmacy to pick up what I had been prescribed (Melatonin 3mg and Vitamin D3, 1000IU.)
Then we got home. I rush to my phone. (Remember Rheanna?). Nothing. Not a single text or call. :( But then I went to do some work. I did laundry, put stuff away, updated some things.
I was assigned to have a counselor at school, then it was changed to a group session. I was supposed to get out by Summer. I haven't been IN to this day. Maybe they decided I was okay enough to not need help. I don't know, and I don't care.
I still have not heard from Rheanna. :(
I have not heard from the therapy/counselor group. :D
Mrs. Falls, you overreacted. I could have just TALKED TO YOU?!?
At least I am out. I don't plan to go back. (That's why my parents or family aren't seeing this.)
Monday, November 26, 2012
Mental Hospice pt. 1/2
Come, my children. Sit, and let me tell you a story.
The time I went to a mental hospital.
I don't have much time, so I am splitting this story in two.
So, it all started around February. This one kid was bugging me, mocking everything I did. I felt like exploding, and I wanted to kill myself. I told my mom about some of my "plans", including leaving that kid a bag of papers saying "you were the reason." Harsh. But telling my mom was a stupid idea. She told my dad, and then she told the guidance counselor. The counselor told us to go to the ER, who then sent me to Riversedge Hospital.
That night, I was kept awake, waiting for the counselor to get to the Er, then for an ambulance to take me to the Hospital. I didn't sleep until 2:00 am that night, they kept me awake to read and sign a number of documents. And yet, I was one of the first few awake the next day. That next day would be one of a few I hate to this day.
It was when I met her.
Her name was Rheanna, and she was one of the cutest girls I had met. She sat by me, and I began to sweat from nervousness. I guess she noticed that, because she introduced herself. I then told her my name, and she called me cute. I did the same to her. We talked the rest of that day. My first friend there.
The next day, I was allowed to leave the "unit" to go to the cafeteria for lunch. We talked there, and even touched feet under the table. I felt... I don't even know how to describe it. It was just... right. At dinner we did the same thing. Then again at lunch. She said at lunch that 2nd day that she was leaving that day. She was right. I have her my number, asking her to text mr when she got home. I was then excited for the rest of my stay there. Unfortunately, others saw how we had hit it off, so they made fun of me for the rest of my stay.
The food there was pretty good. We went down to the cafeteria on weekdays, it was closed weekends.
But what about the real reason I was there?
How did they help?
Answer:
NOT AT ALL.
I only got out because I didn't seem like I would jump out a window again. Because I was allowed to forget about life. Nobody talked to me. The "therapy" was just generic relaxing. No help at all.
I got out the Tuesday after St. Patrick's Day 2012.
Next part: after I got out.
The time I went to a mental hospital.
I don't have much time, so I am splitting this story in two.
So, it all started around February. This one kid was bugging me, mocking everything I did. I felt like exploding, and I wanted to kill myself. I told my mom about some of my "plans", including leaving that kid a bag of papers saying "you were the reason." Harsh. But telling my mom was a stupid idea. She told my dad, and then she told the guidance counselor. The counselor told us to go to the ER, who then sent me to Riversedge Hospital.
That night, I was kept awake, waiting for the counselor to get to the Er, then for an ambulance to take me to the Hospital. I didn't sleep until 2:00 am that night, they kept me awake to read and sign a number of documents. And yet, I was one of the first few awake the next day. That next day would be one of a few I hate to this day.
It was when I met her.
Her name was Rheanna, and she was one of the cutest girls I had met. She sat by me, and I began to sweat from nervousness. I guess she noticed that, because she introduced herself. I then told her my name, and she called me cute. I did the same to her. We talked the rest of that day. My first friend there.
The next day, I was allowed to leave the "unit" to go to the cafeteria for lunch. We talked there, and even touched feet under the table. I felt... I don't even know how to describe it. It was just... right. At dinner we did the same thing. Then again at lunch. She said at lunch that 2nd day that she was leaving that day. She was right. I have her my number, asking her to text mr when she got home. I was then excited for the rest of my stay there. Unfortunately, others saw how we had hit it off, so they made fun of me for the rest of my stay.
The food there was pretty good. We went down to the cafeteria on weekdays, it was closed weekends.
But what about the real reason I was there?
How did they help?
Answer:
NOT AT ALL.
I only got out because I didn't seem like I would jump out a window again. Because I was allowed to forget about life. Nobody talked to me. The "therapy" was just generic relaxing. No help at all.
I got out the Tuesday after St. Patrick's Day 2012.
Next part: after I got out.
Saturday, November 24, 2012
blast!
I've just been friendzoned. Again.
Also, I made a new description for myself:
Devon-F**king up where you never thought you could f**k up.
Oh well. That was short-lived. Quickest I've ever ruined something. 2 days. Greeat.
*facedesks*
Also, I made a new description for myself:
Devon-F**king up where you never thought you could f**k up.
Oh well. That was short-lived. Quickest I've ever ruined something. 2 days. Greeat.
*facedesks*
admissions 'n' things
Hi. I'm hyprvx, but that's slightly harder for me to type so I'll just use my real name: Devon.
Let me put everything out right now, in this post.
This is what's going to be my diary. I'm posting it online just because I want it to be out. If I offend someone in one of my posts, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I don't care.
Now let's get onto about me.
My name is Devon, I'm 13 years old, single (though that may or may not change soon, I'll get to that), in 8th grade. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I hold sacred. I may try to sound smart, but believe me, I'm not. My favorite color is green, but I also like darker tones, so that's why this is a mostly blackish tone for the blog. I'm into computers, music, and chemistry. Pretty average life, right?
Wrong.
I've been under a lot of stress recently. Relationships, school, even my own family have put me under a lot of stress.
Let me explain each one.
Relationships: Oh god, where do I start? Well, I suppose I should start at the top. 2 years ago, I fell for a girl in my class. Last year, I realized that we were so alike, so I asked her out. She denied, saying she wanted to be asked out in "a crazy way". I tried again, trying to sneak closer and closer before finally scoring. But she blatantly told me she wasn't interested in me, and I finally took the hint. Leaving me depressed. (I had actually been into a mental hospital during this time. But that's for another post.). This year, a new girl came to my school. I asked her out too. She denied, saying that she wasn't single. I was saddened, but less depressed. I wished her and whoever she was with the best.
This takes us to Thanksgiving 2012, or really, the day before, November 21. That night, I became closer to another friend (this proves important). She was friends with this girl, and she informed me that she was single, and had lied to me. (Now would have been the good time for that mental hospital.) I cried a bit, but got over it, saying to myself "Man up. So she lied. Get mad, get sad. Get whatever you need. But get over it. If she lied to you then it's not worth it. You're 13. Don't think suicide. You're mature. You're too old for that shit." And I got over it. Now we skip ahead to Thanksgiving, which will be a day I won't soon forget. I learned that that friend's sister had a crush on me, and she gave her my number. So we talked a lot. I spent more time talking to her than talking to family. That night, I asked her out. She denied. But we remained friends, and I already know what I did wrong-I moved too fast. "Okay.", I said. We are still friends to this day, and I'm planning things in the background.
School: HELLO! Let's start with last year. This one was influenced by the relationships problem. Thanks to an enhanced craving for a social life (I'm still not sure what sparked it), I fell out in grades. In Maths, I only turned in 2 homework assignments out of 19 total. I don't know why this happened, to be totally honest. (This sparks a family problem!) But I've been trying to get back on track. My family cannot afford a private high school, and there are only 2 public schools, a good one and a bad one. I want to get into the good one, but I'm afraid I won't make it, because I've started to slip in grades again.So I've been REALLY stressed with the hopes I will make it to the good school. But I don't know anymore.
Family: I will be the first to admit it: I hate my family. There's just so much they do that makes me want to scream. Whenever I screw up, they ask me why I did that. "Why are you slipping in grades, Devon?" "What can we do to help?" "Why do you do this?" "Why did you do that?" "Why? Why? Why?" I HATE IT! I know as little as you. This is mainly my parents and teachers that do this though, but don't worry, I have a reason to hate outer family (Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). WHENEVER I post a joke on Facebook, they ALWAYS take it seriously, getting me in trouble with my parents and bringing on the "Why? What? How? Why?" And then when I post something serious, heartfelt, or desperate on Facebook, they comment. "LOL". I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. They take jokes seriously, and serious stuff as jokes. I fucking hate it. This is why I hate my family. I shouldn't have to *block* them on Facebook just to get some privacy and peace.
So these are what stress me out the most. I'm going to be posting here hopefully twice a week, or whenever something big happens "We dated!" "We're girlfriend/boyfriend now!" "I made it to PMSA!" "We're engaged!" "The world isn't ending on 12/21/12!" Oh wait, that last one's already true. I'll also post some stories of when I was younger. The first of those stories, my mental hospital stay, will be posted next.
Thanks for reading.
<3, hyprvx
Let me put everything out right now, in this post.
This is what's going to be my diary. I'm posting it online just because I want it to be out. If I offend someone in one of my posts, I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that I don't care.
Now let's get onto about me.
My name is Devon, I'm 13 years old, single (though that may or may not change soon, I'll get to that), in 8th grade. I don't have many friends, but the ones I do have I hold sacred. I may try to sound smart, but believe me, I'm not. My favorite color is green, but I also like darker tones, so that's why this is a mostly blackish tone for the blog. I'm into computers, music, and chemistry. Pretty average life, right?
Wrong.
I've been under a lot of stress recently. Relationships, school, even my own family have put me under a lot of stress.
Let me explain each one.
Relationships: Oh god, where do I start? Well, I suppose I should start at the top. 2 years ago, I fell for a girl in my class. Last year, I realized that we were so alike, so I asked her out. She denied, saying she wanted to be asked out in "a crazy way". I tried again, trying to sneak closer and closer before finally scoring. But she blatantly told me she wasn't interested in me, and I finally took the hint. Leaving me depressed. (I had actually been into a mental hospital during this time. But that's for another post.). This year, a new girl came to my school. I asked her out too. She denied, saying that she wasn't single. I was saddened, but less depressed. I wished her and whoever she was with the best.
This takes us to Thanksgiving 2012, or really, the day before, November 21. That night, I became closer to another friend (this proves important). She was friends with this girl, and she informed me that she was single, and had lied to me. (Now would have been the good time for that mental hospital.) I cried a bit, but got over it, saying to myself "Man up. So she lied. Get mad, get sad. Get whatever you need. But get over it. If she lied to you then it's not worth it. You're 13. Don't think suicide. You're mature. You're too old for that shit." And I got over it. Now we skip ahead to Thanksgiving, which will be a day I won't soon forget. I learned that that friend's sister had a crush on me, and she gave her my number. So we talked a lot. I spent more time talking to her than talking to family. That night, I asked her out. She denied. But we remained friends, and I already know what I did wrong-I moved too fast. "Okay.", I said. We are still friends to this day, and I'm planning things in the background.
School: HELLO! Let's start with last year. This one was influenced by the relationships problem. Thanks to an enhanced craving for a social life (I'm still not sure what sparked it), I fell out in grades. In Maths, I only turned in 2 homework assignments out of 19 total. I don't know why this happened, to be totally honest. (This sparks a family problem!) But I've been trying to get back on track. My family cannot afford a private high school, and there are only 2 public schools, a good one and a bad one. I want to get into the good one, but I'm afraid I won't make it, because I've started to slip in grades again.So I've been REALLY stressed with the hopes I will make it to the good school. But I don't know anymore.
Family: I will be the first to admit it: I hate my family. There's just so much they do that makes me want to scream. Whenever I screw up, they ask me why I did that. "Why are you slipping in grades, Devon?" "What can we do to help?" "Why do you do this?" "Why did you do that?" "Why? Why? Why?" I HATE IT! I know as little as you. This is mainly my parents and teachers that do this though, but don't worry, I have a reason to hate outer family (Aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.). WHENEVER I post a joke on Facebook, they ALWAYS take it seriously, getting me in trouble with my parents and bringing on the "Why? What? How? Why?" And then when I post something serious, heartfelt, or desperate on Facebook, they comment. "LOL". I'M FUCKING SICK OF THIS SHIT. They take jokes seriously, and serious stuff as jokes. I fucking hate it. This is why I hate my family. I shouldn't have to *block* them on Facebook just to get some privacy and peace.
So these are what stress me out the most. I'm going to be posting here hopefully twice a week, or whenever something big happens "We dated!" "We're girlfriend/boyfriend now!" "I made it to PMSA!" "We're engaged!" "The world isn't ending on 12/21/12!" Oh wait, that last one's already true. I'll also post some stories of when I was younger. The first of those stories, my mental hospital stay, will be posted next.
Thanks for reading.
<3, hyprvx
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